GINGERDEADMAN 3 : SATURDAY NIGHT CLEAVER

17/10/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in Slasher Flick | Comments Off

“It’s a homicidal confectionery treat.”

Here’s the thing. Would you go out and purchase a movie called Gingerdeadman? Would you then think, “I think I’ll watch the third installment of this amazing series!” Probably not, but I did, and you know what? I’m fucking glad I did!

At the Scientific Institute for the study of homicidal baked goods (You did read that right) The Gingerdeadman is imprisoned for his heinous crimes (committed in Gingerdeadman 1 & 2 if you hadn’t guessed) along with other homicidal confectionary. A young FBI agent visits the Gingerdeadman and we get a fantastic send up of the iconic Jodie Foster/Antony Hopkins prison scene from silence of the Lambs. After some misguided animal rights activists make the mistake of bursting in and freeing the evil baked goods, the Gingerdeadman finds his way to the Time Travel division of the institute (bear with me here!) and travels through time to the year 1979…

Beamed into a roller disco, a sub plot unravels that, to be honest, is your standard 80s style “raise the cash to save the roller rink/community centre/grandma’s house” situations. The Gingerdeadman doesn’t give a shit about this and just wants the killing to start.

We get some pretty decent gory deaths from here; a nail gun, a vat of acid (which just happens to be sitting in the car park), a butchers knife and a handgun all add some splatter to the mix. There’s also some gratuitous sex and a great porky’s glory hole homage chucked in for a few giggles.

If you think what I’ve described so far doesn’t make sense, just wait for Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and friends to show up, just to prove they’re not such bad guys after all.

I’d say Gingerdeadman 3 might be one to watch after you’ve exhausted your other options. It had a few laughs, and a few good kills. I’ll be honest in saying there really isn’t enough to fill the 80-minute running time and keep the viewer hooked. A few good characters pop up along with the Gingerdeadman, but there is a lot of fodder introduced, then quickly killed off.

I would imagine this would be a lot more fun for the stoners out there!

STITCHES

12/10/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in British Horror, Slasher Flick | Comments Off

“A clown that doesn’t finish a birthday party can NEVER rest in peace…”

If you have a fear of clowns (It’s shocking the amount of people who do!) Stitches should be left well alone!

Stitches is an Irish comedy gore-fest about a crappy kid’s party clown and his untimely death at a kids birthday party. Tom, the birthday boy, and his group of friends torment and abuse Stitches until one prank causes Stitches to trip face first onto the cutlery basket of a dishwasher carelessly left open.

A face full of knife, a shitty funeral, clown voodoo and some years later, we fast-forward to Tom’s birthday and this year’s party. We re-meet Tom’s friends to find they are a bunch of complete twats. Unfortunately for them, Stitches has risen from the grave and is out for revenge! All the elements are there, sex, booze, drugs and rock & roll…everything NOT to do in a horror movie!

As you can imagine with a killer clown played by British comedian Ross Noble, Stitches is comedy violence filled with fantastic one-liners. There are some very creative deaths, buckets of blood and gore, and the kill scenes come thick and fast with some real originality. From the ice cream scooping of brains to a flying clown umbrella to the eye, we are treated to deaths galore in some really hilariously brutal ways.

One particular scene shows stitches helping a cat use its 9 lives. I was in fits of laughter, but did feel bad for the little kitty. A great scene, but probably quite controversial.

This is an excellent film. My only gripe with it is that the kids in the film are so unlikeable it didn’t matter weather they lived or died. At highlight though was the amazing musical montage mid-film. set to Foreigner’s ‘I just died in your arms tonight’ – it totally doesn’t need to be in there, but it is, and it’s great! For a reason I can’t explain, it had me grinning from ear to ear.

Stitches is well worth a look, a proper off-beat comedy horror, and Ross Noble makes a wicked messed up clown.

GHOULIES

01/10/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in 80's cheese horror, Monster Movies | Comments Off

They’ll get you in the end

Have you ever sat through a movie and thought as the credits roll “What the fuck did I just watch?”

Well, that’s Ghoulies all over. It’s a film about the occult, but known for the little ghoulie monsters on the movie poster, even though the film could have been made without them at all. We get a killer puppet that, well, doesn’t actually kill, evil midgets that aren’t very evil and a killer zombie that…you guessed it, doesn’t kill anything!

The movie starts with a group of cultists sacrificing a baby for, well; it’s not really made clear. The baby is spared at the last minute and saved by Wolfgang, I guess an on the spot reformed cultist. Years later baby Jonathan inherits his father’s (The leader of the cult) home, and finds his books of the occult. In the middle of possibly the worst party in the world, Jonathan decides that a good party game would be to perform an occult ritual… as you do.

What follows is a mess of an occult film with no actual direction, very little plot and some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen. Nothing really makes any sense and for a horror film supposedly about killer ghoulies, fuck all actually happens! We even get a freeze screen cliffhanger ending. The only horror in the cliffhanger is the fact that they were funded to make sequels, and they assumed they would!

In all honesty, if you want a light mini-monster movie, stick to Critters or Tremors. At least you’ll get a coherent plot, with the monsters actually doing something!

I have to say, I hate saying bad things about anyone’s artistic vision, but Ghoulies really is a load of old bollocks! I wouldn’t bother with it.

EVIL ED

13/09/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in World Gore | Comments Off

“And remember, like we always say here in the Splatter and Gore department, keep them heads rolling.”

Evil Ed is the story of Edward, an editor working in the foreign film department of a movie studio. After the editor from the ‘Gore and Splatter’ department is fired for going bat shit crazy and blows his own head off, Edward is drafted to the department as a replacement to rush through editing of the companies most popular series ‘Loose Limbs’.

Sent to a secluded house to edit, as there is no room in the offices for him, Ed is forced to work long hours to get the movies edited in time for European release by his sleaze ball boss Sam. Ed’s sanity slowly slips through his fingers from the lack of sleep and countless hours watching these splatter movies over and over. Ed starts to hallucinate monsters in the fridge, madmen and sexy stripping women. He dreams of a demon that tells him that what is on screen is the reflection of somebodies sick mind and he must cleanse the world of the people. Ed finally snaps (you can tell because of his cool new hair cut!) and he goes on a psychotic rampage.

There are so many references and nods to some classic movies I couldn’t tell you them all. I did pick out Night of the Living Dead, Legend, Gremlins, Evil Dead 2 and Taxi Driver. They are well tucked in and easy to miss.

Evil Ed is a very cool movie in the same vein as Bad Taste and Braindead. Some very cool deaths, lots of splatter, some great comedy moments and a great soundtrack pull Evil Ed together into a real sleeper movie that’s well worth a watch.

The sections of ‘Loose Limbs’ that are cleverly cut into the movie and the trailer for ‘Loose Limbs 5’ are fantastic. It would have been amazing if they had written and made them as their own movies. Even the audio clips from Loose Limbs you can hear in the background of Evil Ed are great! If one were to pop up on Indiegogo or Kickstarter, It would definitely be one of those “Shut up and take my money!” things.

Check it out!

RetarDEAD

11/09/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in Zombies | Comments Off

If you like your films with a budget over about 12p, stop reading now!

RetarDEAD is a super low budget movie about a young girls dream. A pretty fucked up dream if I may say so! With ‘The Weiner Wagger’, a serial public masturbator on the loose, the police are using all their resources to catch the pervert, leaving the evil Dr. Stein to slip under the radar and get a job teaching at the local special needs school. Dr. Stein starts to conduct experiments on the ‘special’ kids injecting them with a drug that makes them super smart. Unfortunately, the drug has a side effect…it turns the kids into zombies!

After finding The Weiner Wagger, who is bizarrely pretty much forgiven straight away for his crimes, the police realize that something is wrong and go after Dr. Stein, in a quest to stop his evil experiments.

RetarDEAD is completely over the top with zero regard for morals and will likely offend anyone with any social values. If you like to have a moral to a story, there isn’t one. It’s everything that makes low budget movies great. Buckets of blood, gore, silliness, goofy comedy and some great one-liners are all in there. The two main cops: Deputy Dan and Deputy Rick are fantastic. They’re the shittiest cops I think I’ve ever seen portrayed in a film. They have some great exchanges that had me laughing my arse off.

I though RetarDEAD was absolutely fantastic. A super low budget film with great characters and all the elements I look for in a movie. There are also a great set of fake adverts at the beginning of the movie, very tongue in cheek and very funny!

I was a bit confused at first as to why there is a shit monster at the beginning of the film, which is again referenced later on, but has nothing to do with the movie. What did surprise me after a bit of Internet research is that it is actually a sequel to another low budget flick called ‘Monsturd’ which as I gather is about this shit monster. I will certainly track it down as soon as I can!

One thing that RetarDEAD did teach me is that if I ever find myself in a zombie apocalypse and see a group of sexy lady zombies dancing in perfect synchronicity, I need to run away as fast as fucking possible!

WRESTLEMANIAC

01/09/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in Slasher Flick | Comments Off

Wrestling AND horror? I’m in!

Wrestlemaniac is the gory B-movie slasher story of Alphonse and his low budget porn cast and crew, as they visit Mexico to shoot their next porn flick. After getting lost, the group stumbles across a disused petrol station in search of directions and petrol (gas if you’re American!). A weird stranger emerges and gives them directions to the closest town. He warns them about ‘La Sangre de Dios’ a ghost town they must pass on their journey and not to stop under any circumstances as it is the stomping ground of the former professional wrestler gone psychopath; El Mascarado! Alphonse decides he knows better and that Le Sangre de Dios is the perfect location for their porn shoot…bad choice!

After starting their shoot, the group starts to get picked off one by one in gory fashion. El Mascarada does what any good ‘bad guy’ wrestler would do and removes their masks, by which I mean, he tears their faces off!

Wrestlemaniac follows the good old tried and tested slasher flick formula; a group of sex mad, drug fuelled teens stuck in the middle of nowhere getting picked off one by one. The big difference is the removal of a crazed monstrous killer, and putting in a smallish Mexican wrestler who probably could rip off someone’s face with his bare hands.

There are some great comedy moments in Wrestlemaniac. Clothes being torn off already scantily clad women, camera focus on said women’s bums during chases and one girl running full pelt in a pair of stripper heels. Now that was impressive! There’s also a nice nod to Friday the 13^th with one of the shops in the ghost town being called Voorhees.

I thought Wrestlemaniac was great. A silly plot, a fantastic villain and some pretty gruesome moments. I’d recommend sitting down with a few mates and a load of beers to witness the madness of El Mascarado!

THE TAINT

26/08/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in Exploitation, Troma | Comments Off

“All your cocks…just got blocked!”

The Taint, well, can only be described as FUCKING MENTAL. The Taint is the story of Phil and his quest for survival in a world gone mad. The water is tainted and it’s turning the male population into misogynistic psychopaths. The misogynists are fucking insane! Killing women in the most brutal and insane ways I think I’ve ever seen in a movie. Chainsaws, caved heads, dicks through faces…yes you did read that right!

Did I mention that the misogynists have raging hard-ons that are constantly spraying cum during these attacks? Now I know you read that right! If you thought the dick biting scene in Troma’s Father’s Day was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Coat hanger abortion, rape, murder, nudity, animal testing, domestic abuse and ultra violence are all covered in this movie. You name it, The Taint’s got it with bells on.

Enter some very odd and interesting characters; Phil, a school boy with amazing hair, a love of sunglasses and a magnum; Lunas, who has a serious eastern ‘bad guy’ feel to him, in the same vibe as you would see in an 80’s martial arts movie; Houdini, Phil’s ex-PE teacher with a love of fisting and his crew of outcasts (Who have some cracking name I must say!) plus the animated daddy rabbit in the laboratory.

The Taint is a well-put together film full of craziness. I can see why there are some negative reviews out there for it. It’s a shockingly violent over the top comedy with sadistic tones, homophobia, sexism and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It’s possibly the most deranged movie I’ve ever seen. It’s certainly not for everyone and could easily be shrugged off as a film made just for the shock factor.

Would I recommend The Taint? Fuck yeah! It’s certainly not a date night movie, but if you like the more ‘out there’ fucking mental gore fest movies, you NEED to get a copy. If you like your horror spooky with a sense of values steer clear. It’s definitely not a good Christmas present for mum!

As a little extra on the Troma Blu-ray/DVD double disc release, there is a Lloyd Kaufman directed music video for ‘The cleaner’ by FAGGOT. It shows before the main feature and is fucking awesome. Real trash punk about rimming. The best way I can describe it is a GG Allin music video, on crack, directed by GWAR and set in a man’s rectum. If you’ve ever wanted to see someone play drums with the Toxic Avenger’s penis, this is a must watch!

BRING ME THE HEAD OF THE MACHINE GUN WOMAN

26/08/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in Exploitation | Comments Off

Ever wanted to see Grand Theft Auto the movie?

This weekend we visited the Film 4 Frightfest at the Empire cinema in Leicester Square to see a preview screening of the Chilean exploitation movie: Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman. We weren’t disappointed!

Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman is a Latin 70s exploitation style story. Santiago, a video games obsessed loser whose job it is to DJ in a local bar run by Argentinian Mob boss Che Sausage, overhears a conversation between Sausage and his most trusted gang members. He is found and forced to either bring in or kill the country’s number one hit man; the Machine Gun Woman, whilst being followed by Boss Sausage’s henchmen.

A whole heap of assassins are also after the Machine Gun Woman, from street performers to hustlers and gangsters. Each assassin is introduced to us via a splash screen of their names and the value of the bounty on their heads in a very cool GTA style. Gun fights, brutal deaths and super stylized violence a plenty, plus a few laughs. I get the feeling that Boss Sausage was only named that so that it could be used in a single one liner, but it’s a good one, so I’m not even mad about it!

The Machine Gun Woman herself is super sexy, super violent and hard as nails. A very cool opening scene in a convenience store hammers these facts home with venom.

Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman is an absolute blast of an exploitation flick. It’s fun, violent and sexy with some great nods to the Grand Theft Auto series. The GTA style missions gave me a big smile each time they flashed up and the first-person-shooter style kill-cam shits all over the movie DOOM, with the scores racking up as we go along.

If you are a fan of exploitation movies, a fan of video game movies or a fan of world cinema, I would recommend Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman whole heartedly. The only draw back to it is that it’s subtitled. Now don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t usually matter to me if a movie is subtitled, but I just feel that some of the jokes in Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman have been lost in translation. I may be completely wrong, but it did feel like it.

There is a particular scene in the movie that could signal a sequel, and I would absolutely love to see it happen!

Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman is available in the UK on Blu-ray, DVD and digital download from the beginning of October. Get it while its hot!

CHOP

21/08/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in Revenge | Comments Off

“Karma is a motherfucker”

You know when you sit down to watch a film and think you’ve got the plot figured out in the first 5 minutes, then you realise you’ve got it totally wrong? Well CHOP is one of those movies. Trent Haaga (writer of Dead Girl and co-writer of Toxic Avenger 4: Citizen Toxie) makes his directorial debut in this ultimate revenge flick.

Lance, a happily married career man is on the road when suddenly his new car breaks down. Having no phone signal to call for help, Lance decides to hitch hike to the next town so he can call his wife for a lift. A kind passer by picks Lance up and starts to drive him to town. After some friendly conversation, getting to know you chit-chat and time killing questions, the stranger asks, “Who would you save, your wife or your brother?” Lance plays along and answers, “My Wife”, and the stranger then poses a second question; “Have you ever been shot with a tranquilizer gun?”… That’s when it all goes tits up!Lance wakes to find an axe in his hand and his brother tied up in front of him. The question from the stranger wasn’t as hypothetical as he thought!

CHOP is a movie about dark secrets, revenge and karma, a real ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ movie. It blurs the line that divides good guys and bad guys in a brutal, funny and downright bizarre way. The best way I can describe it is Saw and Old Boy meets Idle Hands: the brutality and consequences of Saw, the calculated vengeance of Old Boy with the stoner like comedy and surprise of Idle Hands – a brilliant combination.

It makes you laugh at shocking moments plus there are plenty of great slapstick moments too, courtesy of Will Keenan who is fantastic through out.The supporting cast is brilliant too. The deranged Ray and Jeff with their stump fucking, ‘Different Strokes’ obsessed insanity, the police detectives with their deadpan witty banter and the stranger; coolly deranged with a sense of righteousness.

CHOP is funny, sickening and brutal. A very clever story with twists and turns. It’s a brilliant example of how good low budget films can be. Check it out!

EVIL ALIENS

14/08/2013 by Dan-e-Gory in British Horror | Comments Off

“Nobody fucks with a UFO enthusiast!”

After hearing that the lovely Emily Booth had started a new project SELKIE via Kickstarter funding, I decided to have a look at some of her back catalog of movies. With Doghouse, Pervirella and Inbred sitting on my shelf, I decided to take a look first at Evil Aliens.

Evil Aliens is a British comedy horror about TV show (Weird World) presenter Michelle Fox and her TV crew on a mission to speak to Cat, a pregnant alien abductee, and film a reenactment of the abduction for the show. Traveling to a remote island off the welsh coast, the group arrive at the site to a very frosty (and very funny) reception from Cat’s family. After a night of drugs and sex, the group set out to film their reenactment of the abduction and impregnation. Unfortunately for them, the real aliens decide to crash the party.

One amazing standoff scene and some really super gory deaths later, an all out war between the aliens and the band of survivors gets into full swing. Chainsaws, weed whackers, guns and even antlers are used with gore and blood spraying all over the shop. My hat is off to the guys who pulled off such brilliant special effects. The alien crafts and the brutal death scenes are fantastic for a low budget movie. The comedy is fast, with the cast’s over the top acting and machine gun one-liner delivery. There were a few points where I absolutely laughed my ass off.

I must say, the combine harvester scene does steal the show. It’s brutal and funny in equal measures. A real ‘FUCK YEAH!’ moment!

I can say with my hand on my heart that Evil Aliens is a cracker. Well worth a watch! It has great action, great comedy and some brutal deaths. Emily Booth is fantastic as usual, and I do have to ask; how does she look so hot covered in blood and gore?

Trust me when I say this is a must see gore fest!

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